Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:16 pm
Joseph Lucas Prince of Darkness
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:25 pm
Probably all seen this many times too, but I'll post anyway for those of you who do something useful with their spare time.
Haynes Manual translations
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: PINGGGG - "Jesus, where the hell did that go?"
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two).
Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.
Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be.
Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Three spanner rating. Translation: Make sure you won't need your motorbike/car for a couple of days.
Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?
Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in/on it again.
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a hammer...
Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife/husband/partner "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"
Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to bleed.
Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply embarrassed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:47 pm
Andy That one with De Cadenet, one of my favourites as well No matter how often one watches it it still make me duck
Lucas, how accurate can you get
And Haynes, you've been looking over my sholder
Can I C&P the lucas and haynes over to oldclassiccar.com I know they would feel at home with them. Most on there recon the haynes to be ? well a laugh if nothing else.
Roger
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 2:10 am
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 3:18 am
Feel free, Roger. I pinched them from another forum. Don't know where they originated but both been around for years.
Having just experienced yet another fuel pump failure, I'm wondering whether Lucas are related to SU.
Andy
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 3:28 am
Thanks Andy
That's the joy of owning a classic, Oh s h one t another bit needed.
Been out in the garage with the paint brush today. Looking at some of my photos things jump out at you that I hadn't noticed
Getting withdrawal symptem and it's only a fortnight since the cars not been out
Roger
Split-Lee Admin
Location : Margate Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo Posts : 4543 Occupation : Doing as little as possible.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 3:33 am
One of my favourites at the moment!
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 6:17 am
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Mon Nov 15, 2010 6:26 am
Thanks for posting that Clarke and Dawe Tony Just viewd some of their others, brilliant
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:47 am
Location : Margate Cars : 1962 Splitscreen VW Camper, 1983 VW Polo Posts : 4543 Occupation : Doing as little as possible.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:32 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That is toooo funny!!!
~Lee
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:15 pm
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:00 am
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:13 am
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:17 am
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:19 am
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:22 am
Love the caravan with engine I want one
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:26 am
The big wheel, looks like Brooklands
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:39 am
Being a hydrofoil modeler I like this one It seems to stall part way in, but stay with it.
Hatch DLM
Location : Tiptree Cars : DLM 1 & my daily DLM 1 Posts : 1264 Occupation : Retired HGV 1 driver, Now full time layabout
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:01 am
to the Gym Gymkana anyone
Lets go
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:58 pm
Hatch DLM wrote:
Love the caravan with engine I want one
That's the 1st caravan i've seen and liked
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:03 pm
Hatch DLM wrote:
Being a hydrofoil modeler I like this one It seems to stall part way in, but stay with it.
Brilliant, I want one of these It looks quite fast. The only downside is the background music reminds me of a Timeshare video
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:18 pm
Pocket Car
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:31 pm
Austin powers Admin
Location : Margate in the Garden of England Cars : 1963 Austin A60 Cambridge & 1960 Rover P4 80 Posts : 1327 Occupation : Paddle seller -- up the creek.
Subject: Re: FUNNY VIDEO'S AND PICTURES Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:38 pm